Strategies for Supporting Courageous Conversations

I recently read a great article called “7 Keys to Having a Courageous Conversation With Anyone” by Kathryn Sanford. What I loved about it was her acknowledgment that conversations that “weigh us down” tend to be emotionally charged and therefore intimidating. She went on to give a framework or strategies for helping us gather our courage. And while I won’t restate her entire article, below is a brief summary…

• Deal with your fears by asking yourself two questions. What are the consequences if I do nothing? Am I willing to accept the consequences?

• Be prepared to feel discomfort by preparing yourself to discuss the “undiscussable” – the issues that you don’t want to deal with, but that you know you have to face. Also, the other person may not like what you are saying and may not want to hear it at all. 

• Remember your “why” by being very clear as to WHY you are having it. What is the purpose and what do you hope to achieve? Once you have sorted out the WHY you will be able to decide what the “risks” of having the conversation are.

• Be realistic about your expectations. Most people are more comfortable with keeping old problems unresolved rather than working on a solution, so you may not be able to find a common ground. Be prepared for that. If the potential solution requires the other person to make some significant changes then they may need time to reflect about the conversation. So don’t expect that by having a courageous conversation you will get immediate results.

• Set the emotional tone. The more sensitive the issue is, the more likely it is that your emotions are raw and exposed. If the issue is emotional for you, then you need to make sure that you are calm enough to be clear about what you want to say.

• Deal with your ego. It can get in the way of being objective and achieving a solution targeting the good of a relationship, not you, the individual.