Two teachers disagree about how to support a child who often struggles to participate during circle time.
The child calls out, moves around, and sometimes distracts the other children.
One teacher believes the child should remain with the group but suggests offering a fidget to help them participate. The other believes the child should be able to choose another activity until they're ready to join circle time.
They've talked about it before. More than once.
Both care about the child. Both believe their approach is helpful.
But the disagreement remains unresolved. And over time, something begins to shift.
Instead of working together to decide how they'll respond, each teacher begins doing what they believe is best.
One expects the child to remain with the group and offers a fidget for support. The other allows the child to engage in another activity and join circle time when ready. And the child experiences different expectations depending on which teacher is leading circle time.
What began as a disagreement between adults is now influencing classroom practice.
When Conflict Changes How We Work Together
We often recognize conflict through the tension it creates between people.
The frustration. The uncomfortable conversations. The reluctance to collaborate.
But conflict doesn't always stay between the people involved. Sometimes it begins shaping how decisions are made, how responsibilities are shared, and whether agreed-upon practices are carried out.
A teacher stops offering ideas because previous suggestions were dismissed.
Two educators stop checking in with each other and begin making decisions independently.
A team avoids certain conversations because they don't want another disagreement.
In the short term, these adjustments may reduce tension. The classroom may even feel calmer.
But there's a difference between reducing tension and restoring effective teamwork.
A quieter team isn't necessarily a healthier team.
Sometimes the absence of visible conflict simply means people have stopped engaging with one another.
Looking at the Impact, Not Just the Incident
It's easy to become focused on resolving the latest disagreement.
Who said what? What happened? How do we help everyone move forward?
But we also need to understand whether the conflict is affecting the work.
Are team members still sharing information and making decisions together?
Are agreed-upon practices being implemented consistently?
Are children and families experiencing the coordinated support the team intends to provide?
These questions aren't about assigning blame. They're about recognizing that team relationships and classroom practices are connected.
And when conflict begins affecting practice, repairing the relationship alone may not be enough. The team may also need to revisit expectations, clarify decisions, or restore agreements about how they'll work together.
When Children's Behavior Gets Hard
One particularly important place to apply this leadership lens is in how teams respond to children's challenging behavior.
When behavior becomes difficult, we naturally focus on what the child needs. What is the child communicating? What skills need support? What strategies might help?
Those questions matter. But so does another:
How effectively are the adults working together to provide that support?
When teachers disagree about strategies but never reach a shared decision, or when frustration makes it harder to share observations and adjust their approach, even well-intentioned efforts can become inconsistent.
The challenge may not be knowing what to do. It may be the team's ability to put that knowledge into practice together.
While adult conflict doesn't necessarily cause challenging behavior, it can affect the consistency and responsiveness of the support children receive.
A Leadership Pause
Think about a conflict that has continued longer than you expected.
Beyond the frustration between individuals, consider:
Has the conflict changed how team members communicate, collaborate, or make decisions?
Are there agreements or practices that have become inconsistent or quietly fallen away?
What might need to be restored—not just between people, but in how the team works together?
Sometimes the most important sign that conflict needs attention isn't another complaint. It's a change in how the team is functioning.
When Behavior Gets Hard, Look at the Team, Too
Throughout October, we've explored how disagreement can become conflict, why different conflicts require different responses, and how unresolved tension can influence the work itself.
And nowhere is the importance of effective teamwork more apparent than when children need coordinated, responsive support.
That's why I created When Behavior Gets Hard: What Your Team Competencies Reveal, a reflection and action resource designed to help early childhood teams examine how their own practices influence their responses during challenging moments.
Through an Effective Teaming Wheel, eight essential team competencies, and practical strategies, the resource helps teams identify where greater clarity, collaboration, and follow-through could make a difference.
Ready to strengthen how your team responds when behavior gets hard?
Explore the When Behavior Gets Hard resource to begin the conversation, or let's work together to bring this learning to your team through customized training and consultation.
Interested in training for your program? Reach out to me at deidre.harris@teamagreements.com to explore what's possible.
